Patrick & the rent
I used to work in retail and there was this one boss that everybody loved. I remember we got drunk one night and he's just like, “Yeah man you're awesome but there's this anger there and you just gotta let it go.” I forgot about it for a few years and then the other day I'm washing dishes and I remember him saying that.
It's work right? Anytime that you want to see a change it has to start within. It's important to take ownership of who you are and how you act and you have to be honest. We find ways to forget about what we need to focus on.
At a young age my sister brought home a story that one of her classmates wrote about Winnie the Pooh killing all his friends in Hundred Acre Wood. It was written at the same tempo that you think Poo would move. I remember that inspired me so much because I was like, oh you can take this little kid thing that we all know and it's so pure and lovely and then flip it on its head and make it whatever you want to make.
When I was younger my work was spur of the moment. It wasn't disciplined or planned. Now when I want to write something I have to sit down, think of the story, and do my research. I think of treating it more like a job now. If you take one day off then you're gonna take another day off and then it doesn't happen and then the story starts collapsing on itself. Getting one word down is better than getting no words down.
I've always been writing just keeping up with it. Then it was probably four years ago and I was managing a store and it wasn't going well after like five years of working there and I got fired. It went from realizing that I'm not doing shit with my life, to I love movies and writing, to I should try to write movies.
I like negative criticism because it's honest. I'm sure you've read a shit ton of scripts right? Fucking everybody sucks. I read everybody’s scripts and they're fucking trash. Mine included. But that also gives you hope because we're all working in the same direction.
Discipline with your life is important. I hate eating vegetables right but I know when I eat them it's gonna make me feel better later. I hate meditating and sitting still. To just be alone with your thoughts is annoying to me. But I know that it's gonna help my anger and my clarity for the day. When you get a groove you actually enjoy doing all those things. I gotta learn to take care of myself before I can even worry about anybody else.
This year has been super important. Me moving out here by myself completely away from my family, going through a breakup, starting a new job, not having a good support system, not really having anyone. Not having a car which really sucks in LA. At some point I will most likely move back to New York yeah. I’ve got seven nieces and nephews and I want to be around for them. I've got three sisters and we're not best friends but there's an unconditional love and understanding there that you can't really find too many places. There's times where I really want to go home but I'm not done with the job out here yet. I'm not gonna fucking pack it in and head back now.
I know that the sun's going to rise tomorrow no matter what I'm going through. The world will keep moving forward. Acknowledge all the bullshit. Acknowledge all the faults but also appreciate that there are a lot of positive things in my life and that no matter what we're gonna keep moving forward.
Put your head down and do the work. It’s gonna suck sometimes but whether the work is on yourself, on your craft, or at your job that you hate just put your head down and try to do the work. Things will work out and you'll be able to pay your rent.
Patrick Gorman | March 7, 2021
