Samantha & the safari

On the move

Sam grew up in a big family. It consisted of six older brothers followed by her and her sister. “I got a standing ovation at church for being the first daughter,” she says. “I later got a little sister who is my best friend.”

As a child she bounced from New England to Virginia. In elementary school she discovered a love for horses. She went on to ride in national tournaments around the country. Throughout all this she was learning to deal with the development of two autoimmune diseases, one of which would make her joints swell up so much she couldn’t walk. Sam told me about the first tough decisions she had to make as a kid.

“I was trying to make a lot of choices to support all the things I was involved in. I really should have chosen to step back and let myself heal. That’s the first major choice I remember and I think I chose wrong. I wanted to keep riding. I didn’t want to let any of the disease run my life. I should have taken it easy. It was less my body and more my mind. I struggled with the mental part of competing and I put a lot of stress on myself.”

“I would make mistakes in the competition ring that I didn’t make at home in practice. I knew I could do better and I would ultimately just freeze. I put a ton of pressure on myself and would let it crumble me. I’m sure physically that stress took a toll. I could have done better had I had a better mental edge. It’s almost like a redemption thing."

"Now I try to embrace those challenges and attack them more confidently. I try not to let it stress me out. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. You still have the most important thing in your life which is your people who love you even if you fail at the next big challenge.”

By the time college rolled around her autoimmune diseases were more under control. Sam says, “It got to the point where only maybe once a year, I’d go into a bad flare but I knew what to do.” After graduating from the University of Virginia she landed a job at Fidelity Investments in Boston. “I was not meant for that job at all,” she recalls. “It was like a sea of cubicles attached to each other.”

After working there for a bit she was told that her job in Boston was going away. She could either take a new position in Texas or opt for the severance package. She chose the severance and headed for South Africa.

Around the world

Sam had always been interested in animals and she let that guide her. Using the money from the severance she finally went on the safari she always dreamed of. Sam ended up talking to her aunt who suggested she volunteer and pointed her where to go.

“That's more or less what brought me out there, but once I got there…I was gonna go for four weeks…I stayed longer. The day I woke up there, I knew this was where I was meant to be.”

She worked her way from volunteer to assistant manager to full time manager. She lived on a commune with several other volunteers and later got her own place. (It was here she discovered she was an introvert.) While volunteering she was only paid enough to cover her health insurance.

“We didn’t have a lot of money, but that was actually one of the best parts. First of all, anything I had was a blessing and I was very wealthy compared to most people from that area. I lived in the Zulu kingdom. One of my favorite memories was my friend and I trying to gather as many coins as we could. We got enough coins to go buy one frozen coffee to split on the beach. That was one of the best days. That was all the money we had. We had nothing else.”

“I'd always had my hand held. Out there I had to do a lot of thinking for myself. I learned I was capable. I always thought you were either a quick thinker who could think on your feet or not. But you can learn that skill.”

“Living in South Africa was really good for me because you could have the best laid out plan and before you're even out of bed in the morning, you find out that all the gas station workers have gone on strikes. Now you can't go anywhere and you've got 20 new volunteers that you're supposed to be finding things for them to do but you can't even leave the house. Then you go to the post office and they act like they've never seen a letter even though you were just there yesterday mailing a letter.”

“I think all of that just helped me to calm down. No forcing was going to get it done. Continually knocking can be okay but I’m not gonna grab a crowbar. So just relax and try to live within the moment.”

Home sweet home

After spending 4 years in South Africa she decided it was time to start a career. She got her personal training certification upon moving back to the East Coast. Sam faced criticism from peers, “People were like, ‘Oh that’s a really nice hobby but that’s not a career.’” She landed a job at Equinox, a luxury gym franchise. She spent 10 years there and was promoted to master trainer. This role involved training the trainers. She told me about her promotion, “I got turned down several times. It was a matter of what do I need to do to get there? I’m gonna do that and keep pushing until the door opens.”

When gyms shut down during the pandemic she took the leap on starting her own business. Over the past few years she’s built up a full workload with a steady list of clients.

“I was scared. I came to my clients, ‘You want to try this FaceTime training?’ and they accepted. I was able to build up this great group of clients who wanted to stick with me whether I was in my garage or at a fancy luxury gym.”

“It's hard to take time off. I wear every hat. I’m maintenance, I'm the janitor and the accountant. I'm the one who's in charge of billing. I'm all of that. I'm the complaint department. I was going to have to put all my energy in somewhere. Was I going to do it for Equinox or was I going to do it for me? I chose me. I worked hard at Equinox but it's a whole new level when it's my own baby. I don't think it's ever wrong to gamble on yourself.”

New chapters

While working out on the foam rollers in 2018, Sam met her now husband, Jason. Sam described their relationship, “Jason is really helpful. He knows me so deeply that when I don't know the answer for myself and I'm struggling to listen to myself, I can ask him and he knows me. He can step in when I'm not sufficient.” I caught her right at the crossroads of another major life decision. Starting a family.

“I'm right in it. It's the decision to have a child or not. I'm at an age where that decision is really not going to be an option for a whole lot longer. I like to have a lot of information before I make a decision. It’s not like you can try it and see how things go. The only information you get is from watching other people. But me comparing myself to someone else isn't a positive thing for me so I don't know. Ultimately this is going to be another faith decision.”

“You feel this pull somewhere and you have to have faith. You know some of your choices are going to be mistakes but ultimately there's some positive in those mistakes. You can determine the truth from the lies pretty easily if you just pause and listen.”

“I got a book to read literally called ‘The Baby Decision.’ I'm reading through it, but I'm realizing I'm on the fence on everything and it's going to be a giant leap of faith and I have to trust that. I felt very much called to do the work I was doing in South Africa. I felt very much called to get into personal training. I didn't even understand what that career would become down the road. But I knew that was something I wanted to be doing and needed to be doing. But right now, I'm struggling a little bit with what my calling is.”

Sam laughs, “I really like sleeping. I feel like that's gonna get interrupted. We have a really great life and so in a lot of ways why would we want to disrupt that? But I also do love children and it seems to me there's something about raising a child that gives you a purpose outside of yourself.”

“You have to be uncomfortable if you want to grow. You’re not going to be uncomfortable if you do the same thing you do all the time. I've got to put myself in a new situation and challenge myself in new ways. There's also that thing when I was a kid I was very perfectionist. I was always afraid of doing something wrong. Getting a bad grade. Doing something embarrassing in front of my peers. But you know what? In the end, that's not the worst that could happen. I think what’s worse is not trying. Not daring. Not pushing yourself. Not seeing what the possibilities are. That sounds way worse.”

“I think comfort is the default. I find it's being so fortunate that we live in a place where we've got everything we need. You have to go out and find that discomfort.”

Hiding under the duvet

She emphasizes the importance of faith and prayer in her life. Surrounding herself with good people and good hearts is essential. Sam and Jason travel to the East Coast whenever they can to spend time with family. Having a support system in rougher times gives her hope.

“I think a lot of times we're quiet on any sort of struggle. For my whole life the moment I open up about something that's not perfect, people can relate. They’re happy to relate. Every opportunity has come through connections. It's come through people. Everyone's got a different role in my life. There's inevitably an honesty that comes from my people. I don't like to be around people who sugar coat things. Give it to me straight and they do and it helps to hold me accountable to hopefully, a higher standard. There are people who love you even when you don't love yourself.”

She carries with her the lessons learned from childhood and continues to listen for opportunities when they come.

“I think you can be scared and do nothing or you can be scared and give something a shot. Being scared is probably going to happen. You know that. Which would you rather do? Be scared and never try or be scared and go for it. I often know that the best way to overcome something is to go through it rather than around it. So face it, head on. The world is pretty scary but that doesn't mean you hide. Just go for it.”

Sam Candler | July 23, 2022