A beginner's guide to psychics
Three kinds of questions
There are three kinds of questions in this world. There are the ones with clear answers. Let’s call this a “Cut and Dry” question. A few examples:
Is cow tipping a real thing?
No. Cows don’t sleep standing up and actually spend most of the time on their stomachs. It’d take 5 people to tip one over.
What’s the longest time someones gone without sleep?
264 hours. That’s 11 full days.
Why do I have to tip before I get my delivery?
So the driver doesn’t evacuate their bowels into my bread bowl.
The second type of question is a little tougher to answer. We have our “Murky and Delicate” questions. We start wading into gray areas. They may have several answers depending on how you approach it. Often there is a compromise. This is where relationships are tested and division builds. The solutions are complicated and therefore unsatisfying.
Are zoos ethical?
Are the efforts of education and conservation worth the potential mental torment that a zoo animal may undergo? Can we get a polar bear’s thoughts on this one? Scratch that I think we should all be in zoos after watching that.
Why is it so hard to make friends after high school/college?
You’re no longer part of an intimate social network that requires daily in person interactions. We lose our community. We find jobs but seldom do peers' interests overlap with our own. We’re tied up with responsibilities and the stress of trying to survive. You want to meet your new friends? Say hello to car insurance and working on weekends. It is not impossible though. The internet offers a world of connection, it’s up to us to take advantage.
Does power corrupt?
Have you seen Time’s List of Most Influential People? It consists of sociopaths and grifters.
The third type of question is the scariest. We have our “You-ask-to-many-question” questions. These questions don’t have answers. We trade the murk for darkness.
What is the meaning of life?
…
When will I die?
…
What does that person really think of me?
…
How long will humanity endure?
…
How many kids will I have?
…
Some questions require an ethereal touch. A deeper dig. Luckily I enlisted the help of a psychic to guide me through the depths of the unknown.
Radio silence
We humans have a lot of angst around the unknown. We were blessed with wild imaginations to fill the void. Seers and prophets date back to ancient times. Civilizations looked to the stars for answers. An elaborate system called "astrology" was born. It was believed that stars and celestial objects had influence on people’s lives. It served as a way to predict the future and also a fun first date ice breaker. Over the years a chosen few have come forward with their gifts in an attempt to make sense of it all. These people are known as soothsayers, clairvoyants, oracles, and psychics.
Psychics have become a staple of pop culture. They show up in our movies, books, and reality TV shows. They guide the lost. They temper doubts. They answer the unanswerable. Given that 41% of US adults believe in psychics I figured it must be worth a shot. We are living in the age of uncertainty and New Age beliefs have become commonplace. We have an itching suspicion that there is more to the universe than meets the eye.
Prelude
Psychics inhabit a specific part of my brain. An overlapping section between openness and skepticism. It hangs out there with ghosts and Bigfoot. Unless there is a way to prove otherwise my mind remains a sponge. Why wouldn’t there be certain folks more in tune with the spiritual realm? It would behoove me to find these people that can read the unwritten chapters. If I’m aware of the future then I can avoid potential pitfalls and prepare for golden opportunities.
We all have blind spots. Patterns that hold us back. An outside perspective can catch the details, put together the signs, and provide guidance. We all want a comfortable, easy answer. We all need a checkup once in a while. A spiritual oil change if you will.
Trip to the psychic
From the start my journey is riddled with anxiety. There is no parking in Hollywood. Every spot comes with a list of demands and threats of litigation. I drive past my destination until I see the sweet relief of a Starbucks. Open spots expand into the horizon. I clock a “Customer's only sign” accompanied by the number of kindly towing company. I sweat in my car as I debate parking on a residential street much further away. I pop into Starbucks to prove I’m a loyal patron. There is nothing but gluten and dairy behind the counter, an explosive combination for me. Also I hate coffee. Luckily I see a protein bar in the refrigerated section. I pay without making eye contact and slip out of sight. I leave the wrapper on the dash as evidence. Surely that will hold up in a court of law.
I make my way to a metal screen door sandwiched between a Bangladeshi Market and a salon. Just before I head in, a woman hands me a book titled, “Human Life: Topmost and Very Rare”. I remember that there are over 7 billion people and counting. The book is still in the plastic wrap. It feels like it was packaged in the 90’s. I expect a spiel or request for cash but she keeps walking. On the back the description says that whoever holds this book has been “called”. My heart beats a little faster. Were my chakras aligning? Was that destiny on the other line? I was prepared to take the call.
A man leads me up the stairs to another entrance. He says she will be here soon. He shuts the door and I wait. It’s becoming clear that the psychic is running this business out of an apartment. A throbbing bass comes from a different doorway on my right. 15 minutes pass. I'm literally full of rage. The sounds of traffic seep through the metal door. I feel the urge to leave but I’m compelled to stay. I have no idea what’s coming and my heartbeat quickens.
I have ample time to ruminate. I imagine walking back to an empty parking spot. All the employees snickering from the window. I dwell on how terrible the rest of my night will be. I slowly realize how much energy this is taking and pull myself out of it.
She arrives 17 minutes after our 6:30pm appointment. I’m livid but I’ve had plenty of practice suppressing my emotions. She is cordial and invites me into their apartment. I hear kids fighting from another room. She points me towards a bedroom and into a small closet for two. Inside is a desk with crystals and a giant red sculpture of Buddha. The ambience is appreciated but I’m fully aware that this seance is taking place in a gutted cupboard.
The session
Before we continue she breaks down her services and suggests that I do a full spiritual reading with tarot cards for $90. She carefully lays out the cards in a specific and practiced pattern. Men with golden halos, angels with royal wings, and other religious imagery pile on the table. She asks me what I came in for. I monologue about my career path and lack of direction in life. I talk about my struggles to commit to a singular creative focus. I complain. She listens. She says that there are bright things in my future.
She hesitates from making any concrete predictions. She tells me that we have the ability to rewrite our future. It’s too difficult to predict. She emphasizes the importance of the present. We should allow the moment to be what it is. We should forgo struggling and float downstream.
The stars align
The one prediction she gives with confidence is that I will be the father to three kids. I tell her I’m the middle sibling of three boys. She tells me about her three boys. The random dots slowly start to connect. She also feels that my current partner is my soulmate. I smile in agreement.
Just above her eye line is an amethyst stone. My gaze keeps coming back to it throughout the session. The colors are radiant. I later find out that amethyst is the February stone, my birth month.
She also says that something special will happen in September. I’ll be on the lookout for buried treasure or buses hurtling in my direction. Maybe I’ll adopt three kids in September. I'm looking forward to it!
Proverbs
About halfway through she recommends I read the book of Proverbs from the Bible. I’m triggered but I hide it. (We were born and raised Catholic but I've drifted since.) Later I discover that Proverbs are all about living wisely. The books talk about values and what it means to live a “good” life. They stress that living with a healthy fear of God will result in rewards. Many of the themes are simple and don’t offer much room for interpretation. There is no gray area. I lived in this black and white world for most of my life. Things were either good or bad. I was either a success or a failure. This thinking only results in perpetual dissatisfaction. I’ve come to the realization that life exists in the gray. Fun exists outside of the binary.
Check please
I feel the end coming as the pauses linger. She gives me her number and tells me to call if I ever need anything. The experience isn’t miraculous but it is comforting. There are several times that I tear up. Hearing the determinism in her voice is soothing. She has certainty on her side. I trust her. Instead of listing things that I can do, she lists things that I will do. My plans now feel inevitable. My future isn't decided but it is more tangible.
Words of wisdom
Here were a few things she suggested I do:
Embark on my spiritual journey.
Find a focus for the blog.
Work for myself.
Trust my intuition and follow my voice.
Let go of fear, there is nothing to lose.
Let go of the outcome, it is irrelevant.
Let go of the past, it does not control you.
Take risks.
Take steps to self heal.
It’s your house
It's good to have blueprints but the house will never be finished. You may want to redo the carpets or repaint the exterior. Sometimes the pipes leak toxic waste. You may decide that you hate your chimney. It might be expensive but you could totally take it out. It's your house. It will fluctuate between balance and chaos but the foundation will remain solid.
If a psychic is hesitant to predict the future then maybe I should take that as a sign. The unknown is not to be feared. It's a playground with endless possibilities.
SCORE: 7/10
-
Felt like celestial therapy.
Her affirmations were empowering and overall positive.
It did not feel like she was trying to take advantage of me.
Good listener. Guilt-free complaining is one of the highlights of life.
At no point did it feel supernatural.
-
Not enough predictions. I want those lotto numbers baby.
I’ve heard much of her advice elsewhere. Still helpful but not as enlightening as I’d hoped.
Expensive. I could buy approximately 39.30 tacos for the amount I paid. Arguably a much better value.
Late by 17 minutes. She might as well be dead to me.
At no point did it feel supernatural.
July 19, 2022
